Download Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
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Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
Download Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
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"What the heck is my partner thinking?" is a common refrain in romantic relationships, and with good reason. Every person is wired for love differently, with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people's minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and rituals, making it possible to actually neurologically prime the brain for greater love and fewer conflicts.
Wired for Love is a complete insider’s guide to understanding your partner’s brain and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust. Synthesizing research findings on how and why love lasts drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this book presents ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship.
Strengthen your relationship by:
- Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble”
- Using morning and evening rituals to stay connected
- Learning to fight so that nobody loses
- Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved
By learning to use simple gestures and words, readers can learn to put out emotional fires and help their partners feel more safe and secure. The no-fault view of conflict in this book encourages readers to move past a "warring brain" mentality and toward a more cooperative "loving brain" understanding of the relationship. This book is essential reading for couples and others interested in understanding the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships.
While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you can discover how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences to create a lasting intimate connection.
- Sales Rank: #6081 in Books
- Brand: New Harbinger Publications
- Published on: 2012-01-02
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.75" h x 5.75" w x .50" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 200 pages
- New Harbinger Publications
Review
“This book is grounded in the latest brain science, as well as being wonderfully friendly, encouraging, and practical. It shows readers how to stay out of dead-end conflicts and instead light up the neural circuits of empathy, skillful communication, and love. A marvelous resource.”
—Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain
“I really enjoyed this book and learned a lot from it that I can use as a therapist. Stan Tatkin is a great innovator. This book is a must for every couples’ therapist’s library.”
—John Gottman, author of The Science of Trust
“If you feel lost, confused or alone in your relationship, get this book right now. You will finally make sense out of chaos and pain. This is your map to go from frustration and insecurity to realize the potential of why you initially got together. Stan Tatkin’s insightful book will teach you to work as a team to make your relationship journey safe, engaging, and deeply satisfying.”
—Peter Pearson, PhD, couples therapy specialist and cofounder of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA
“Stan Tatkin shows how our couple relationships would look if we took seriously what attachment theory and neuroscience research has taught us.”
—Dan Wile, author of After the Honeymoon
“Wired for Love challenges partners to experience their relationship in a totally new way. Partners will learn how to engage positively as a couple to help each other feel safe and secure by following the relationship exercises suggested in this exciting new book. In clear, concise language, Tatkin describes the ways that partners can understand and become experts on one another. He suggests building a “couple bubble” wherein each partner is the most important person in the other’s life, the one individual on whom the partner can always count.”
—Marion F. Solomon, director of clinical training at Lifespan Learning Institute and author of Narcissism and Intimacy, Lean on Me, and other books
“Read this book to discover a multitude of new ways to enliven your relationship and end needless conflicts. Stan Tatkin is one of the most innovative thinkers in the couples relationship world today. It's impossible to read this book without learning new patterns to enhance your love.”
—Ellyn Bader, PhD, cocreator of the developmental model of couples therapy, codirector of The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA, and author of Tell Me No Lies and In Quest of the Mythical Mate
“Reading Stan Tatkin’s book makes you want to be in therapy with him. With intense and fearless clarity, he takes you into the trenches of the combative human brain and shows you how to make love, not war.”
—Esther Perel, LMFT, author of Mating in Captivity
About the Author
Stan Tatkin, PsyD, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy. He teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente in Woodland Hills and lives with his wife and daughter in Calabasas, CA.
Foreword writer Harville Hendrix, PhD, is a clinical pastoral counselor, cocreator of imago relationship therapy, and author of Getting the Love You Want.
Most helpful customer reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
I enjoyed it. I do think it really requires a ...
By Wadadili Sister
I enjoyed it. I do think it really requires a committed couple to do the exercises. I know it sounds elementary however, there is usually one person who is more invested in making the relationship work. A good read.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Invaluable resource for relationships
By Erin G.
Wow, this is a wonderful book that was recommended to us by our couples therapist. Since purchasing it, my boyfriend and I have read about half of it. There are some profound chapters in the book that have caused us to really evaluate and look at how we had been doing our relationship. My boyfriend has completely changed his career as a result of the book. This book is invaluable in terms of understanding and working on your relationship and loving your partner.
17 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
An easy to read 'how to' book about relationships
By L Cusack
This was such an easy book to read. The concepts were explained clearly and there were anecdotes about working and non-working relationships which made it easy to understand the principles in action. I'd bought this book to help me develop characterisation in the fiction I write, but ended up getting lots of relationship tips for myself! My only quibble was that the tables were unreadable on Kindle (the text inside them didn't enlarge when the rest of the text did) so I hope there wasn't anything vital in them, because they were too small to read! And I'd also have liked to see some justification from the author on why he thought it was "best practise" to create a relationship between two people who pretty-much relied solely on each other for emotional support. What happens when one dies? I'd have liked to understand why he thought it was a better idea to create a fortress around the couple, than to spread emotional support among other friends/family.
Of course, I'm an Island (you'll get this when you read the book) so that might explain my perspective!
Definitely worth more than the money you pay for it, this book will enrich your understanding of why some couples survive and others divorce.
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